This is how life would be without you

The alarm will sound but i'll already be up, stayed up all night just to make sure it wasn't a dream. I'll pull myself out of bed, brush my teeth and do my hair. Wonder why I'm trying to live like nothing's changed. This is just the beginning and already I want it to end.

I can't do this.
I am too tired to blog anymore
I hope things come around
Thank you everyone who is always behind me.

should i stay or should i go?

Why does it feel like night today?
Something in here's not right today.
Why am I so uptight today?
Paranoia's all I got left
I don't know what stressed me first
Or how the pressure was fed
But I know just what it feels like
Have a voice in the back of my head
Like a face that I hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face watches every time I lie
A face that laughs every time I fall
(And watches everything)

So I know that when it's time to sink or swim
That the face inside is hearing me
Right beneath my skin

It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin

I know I've got a face in me
Points out all my mistakes to me
You've got a face on the inside too
Your paranoia's probably worse
I don't know what set me off first
But I know what I can't stand
Everybody acts like the fact of the matter is
I can't add up to what you can but

Everybody has a face that they hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face watches every time they lie
A face that laughs every time they fall
(And watches everything)

I feel very detached from everything around me, like nothing really matters. Seriously. They say that it's a form of living in denial. However, I'm not so sure I agree with them. If you ask me how I feel about M'z I really can't answer that! It's like, hokay I think he's hot, but so what?? y'know. Maybe I should give up? But in that case, what am I really holding onto now? The emotion or the person? Perhaps the memories. I can't fathom it myself. K whatever, this is me taking control of my life, now what the fuck are you doing with yours?

/Bring me out of this mess

There's a lot going on now in my head, its rather confusing.
- its confusion to prevent denial, it's kind of like, a forced confusion,
or I'd be sticking in denial?
I'm not sure, but I'd probably like to reflect about it anyways.
Many matters, many distractions, many thoughts to clear.
But then again,
Today, Today I live for one thing!
and We should cast all our anxieties onto him because he
cares for us :D
I don't know, I just think there's a lot more that I should be
doing, but I just can't find that motivation to do so - I'm wasting
my time. I think I could just be much better if I tried.

Nuff said - time to clear it. :D

The hols, don't feel like the hols.

I'm being stealth and hiding Jim-bo.
But he's gonna go into hibernation soon anyway, so it's just a matter of time.
Oh, milestone, I got lectured in English, Chinese, Cantonese and Hokkien today.
Confusing, but a milestone.
Relatives are flying in from Edmonton so I have to have a happy face.
And an invisible homebody at the same time.
Bollocks.
'rents in the zone.
Force quitting ensues.
Goodbye world.

xoxo,
K.

And if you have to go,
always know that you shine brighter
than anyone does.


Thanks Jan for this prettyyy shot of me (Yes it's me, morons!)
So anyways, Bird, Jan, Rens, Kel, and Sam all trooped over to my crib and hung out. That was a picture of my fantabulous day spent with my fav girlies. (Sam Rens Kel on the bed. Bird was in the toilet i think.

We watched some cool awesome movies, chatted to a weird perv online and laughed our heads off, took a walk at a park, etc. I'm so glad I got to spend that much time with 'em! I love 'em to bits x)

I am tired now. I just had a bad fight with my mother once again, and I am emotionally drained.
Thanks to my girls for always listening to me and being there for me.
I miss you guys already! Wish you were all at my house still x(