Vulnerable

I like times when we talk about the past, when you tell me about how you still keep everything I've given you, when you tell me how you feel when you read my letters. I like it when we reminisce about our favourite songs, the places we went together and the things we did and would do together. I like times where we talk about things we wouldn't say to anyone, and update each other on bits of stories we missed out. I like it when we are okay, when I can tell my friends about how wonderful and bittersweet you are, when I say I love you & when you say you love me back.

But sticks and stones may break my bones while your words can kill.

Are we really just two puzzle pieces which look conjoining that will never fit no matter how hard we try?

Take a bow

Things change. People change. I guess I have to accept that in this situation, because no matter how hard and how many times I try to convince myself that you are still who you were back then, I am going to end up disappointed and hurt like fuck like how I am now because you just aren't the same anymore.

You've taught me something, that there is no one in this world I should love more than I love myself, because once I step into that boundary, like the way I'm always putting you infront of everyone else, I am just going to be treated the way you treat me. As if I owe you a living. As if I have to give in all the time. As if I was born to submit to you.

I thought you were different. I thought we were different. I thought after everything we've been through, nothing in this world could ever come between us again. I thought you would at the very least, consider my feelings.

Its good to be back. Back to where I came from; back to my same old routines; back to familiarity.
A new year is around the corner. And pple arnd me are celebrating, inviting the inevitable - change.

Change is awaiting. Waiting at my doorstep; always ready to pounce on me when I'm least ready.

I'm not ready.

I dont think I ever will be ready. Will I? Need some assurance. I'm one of those asses who hate change, who avoid them. I shld rlly be embracing change; to look forward to the future.
But I don't. It's the same thing every end of the year.

Time and experience has taught me to fear change. The next year always brings about more pain, more complications that always seem to be too much for me to handle.
But then, with the help of my friends, I emerge victorious. I get through all the shit that happens every year, and now at this time - a new year is starting.

I feel so tired, so exhausted from the year's battle. Yet life is ready to throw at me another round of battles, each ones tougher than the last.

It's those kind of scenarios where, you're totally aware that smth bad's gna happen. Smth horrible, sad, tragic...you try to mentally prepare for it. But when it comes, you're still so unprepared. You're still shocked, still scared.

Worst part of it is - it's totally unavoidable.

Thank god i finally gained access to the internet.
It's pretty cold here in Tokyo. I've been having some fun here. It seems my family has made a pact not to get on my nerves or something. Haha.
Best thing here is the cold and the food. God i love the food here.

Anyway i'm really starting to be a bit homesick. I'm missing my best friends like fuck seriously. Everywhere i turn something always reminds me of them.
Hmmm i'm wondering how Jan is doing in LA. I can only imagine its gorgeousness.

I'll be returning in about 2 days so it's all good. Can't wait to see them again.
Ciao

Y'know what? I think I've finally let go.
Let go of these selfish, immature feelings that I've had towards everyone; towards myself; towards you.
Yeah, you. Remember? Yeah you sent my world spiralling out of control. But I'm glad to say that I think i've finally gotten control of my wheel once more. I'm starting to put back the pieces and to heal.
It's funny how they say that it's alright when you fall rock bottom for the first time. B'cos that experience has taught you how to avoid it, or how to get out unscathed the next time.
But those pple were wrong. See, once the same situation hits you in the face again, you're not prepared.
No one's there to warn you, to steer you out of danger's way. And so you fall again. And then you think, 'hey! i've been in this situation before, i know how to pick myself up agian.'
Yet you try and try and soon, you find that just b'cos you've gotten up once, doesn't mean getting up again the next time is gna be easier.
Just b'cos you've healed before, doesn't make the next healing process any easier.

I love my girls so much. It's people like them that make you wonder constantly how on earth a creature like yourself could get such great friends.
They're the kind of friends that everyone needs. B'cos I wouldn't imagine life w/o them, and i'm not exaggerating.

Thank you Kel Rens Jan Bird Sam for everything. I think if i made a list of what each of you did for me, the list would never end. Thanks for bringing me out for the Twilight movie and making me laugh and smile genuinely for the first time in a long time.
Luv you guys to bits and pieces <3 style="font-size:130%;">

Btw, Janice couldn't stop smiling whenever Edward/Rob.P came out in the movie.
I'm just sayin'. Jan babe please don't kill me! (=

misconduct , misbehavior
I have no idea what's going on
I have no idea what I'm doing
But I have found a place where I can seek solace

sorry kelly sweetie , I'll see you soon
the next time I see you , I promise you'll be happier.

This is how life would be without you

The alarm will sound but i'll already be up, stayed up all night just to make sure it wasn't a dream. I'll pull myself out of bed, brush my teeth and do my hair. Wonder why I'm trying to live like nothing's changed. This is just the beginning and already I want it to end.

I can't do this.
I am too tired to blog anymore
I hope things come around
Thank you everyone who is always behind me.